Following a happy occasion on Friday, BBQ or Braai as we say in Chichewa, and the celebration of our neighbour’s birthday on Saturday, the occasion was marred by the news of the sudden death on Saturday night of the former Director of Examination and Registration of the NMCM, the organization of my placement.
First, I received a text message followed by a phone call. This I thought was very considerate for the organization (my placement) to think and include me in such an occasion.
My driver picked me up Sunday, afternoon to the house of the deceased, the deceased; the former Director of Examinations, Registration, and Continuing Professional Development (CPD) department.
On arrival at the house of the deceased, I could only say wow! There must have been at least 80 to 100 people present and more on their way from the villages and surrounding areas of Lilongwe. We found mourners coming to pay their respect to the deceased and to offer their condolences to the bereaved family standing outside the gate of the house, inside the forecourt of the house a large presence of women sitting on the ground, on mats, and some on the dirt. My driver, outside the parameters of the gate, handed me over to our secretary. The secretary took charge and led me to a spot behind the back of the house to sit with the other women; luckily, I found a place on a mat to sit. Awaiting the arrival of the coffin of the deceased from the mortuary, patiently we sat in the hot sun.
News of the arrival of the coffin created anxiety, silence and stillness. We all stood still, giving our respect as the coffin arrived at the house; I was immediately ushered inside the living room by a colleague from the NMCM. This being a death of a female, the women led the proceedings. The men stood in the courtyard separately from the women; the only male allowed inside the house was the ‘Master of Ceremony’ (MC).
On entering the living room, most of the furniture removed and those that could not be removed, covered over with plain sheets of material. All pictures, including any sign of a mirror taken off the walls, ornaments covered over. The immediate family members, sister sat low cushions on mats placed on the tiled floor, we all sat on mats. The women and the pallbearers marked the arrival of the coffin with the singing of hymns. The pallbearers were all women. They carried the coffin from the truck into the house, a wow factor!
The African woman has such strength. An African woman should never be under estimated, though she maybe poor, facing multiple adversities in her life, she has such physical and inner strength. This physical and inner strength carries her through the many adversities and the challenges she faces daily during the course of her life. She handles herself with pride, humility and with dignity. (Women would only request to be pallbearers in honour and pay tribute to the deceased if he/she is highly respected in their community or organisation. Moreover, this is something that has crept into Malawian culture in the past ten years so I am informed).
The all women pallbearers placed the deceased coffin on the floor in the centre of the living room. There was much wailing and crying, an emotional scene. The mother of the deceased escorted in by her immediate relatives and friends from an inner room to sit beside the coffin. It was so heartbreaking to see her weep and weep over her loss. Worse was to follow when the upper lid coffin case was lifted just exposing her daughter’s face. How she wept, just as any mother would, grieving the loss of her child. I found the experience was unbearable to watch, seeing such an elderly woman (in her late 70s weeping for her daughter) having to endure such pain and heartache. The whole room erupted into wailing and crying. Even I at this stage got quite emotional .
After the singing of hymns and prayers said the widower together with his three young sons, other male relatives and friends entered the living room to view the body and pay final respect. Following the viewing of the deceased, we proceeded to the main gate outside the house (street level) for the final ceremony to take place. We all sat on the ground, hard concrete including the mother of the deceased in the open with the hot day sun beating on our heads, temperature soaring 29oC plus. I was just amazed how resilient, if resilient is the correct word to use in this context to describe this situation of men and women sitting on dirt, concrete floor for hours in the hot baking sun humbly, and not complaining. I must confess I struggled; my bum went numb and apart from fighting off biting ants I was having problems concentrating as the sermon was in Chichewa. Surprisingly enough, I understood most of what the pastor preached. Suffice to say I no longer feel inhibited to communicate in Chichewa; it is beginning to roll off my tongue with ease! The Chichewa language almost has a Spanish/Italian flare to it. Maybe it is all the ‘Tilli & ndilli bwinos’, ah I could, however be wrong. The Italian in me like to think so!! Yet these people it is a norm, not at all phased by anything round them.
The cemetery experience helped prepare me for this experience of sitting shiv’ah. I believe by the time I finish my placement in Malawi sitting shiv’ah or in the cemetery for long hours will also become my norm.
The women lined the route from the entrance of the living room to a table outside the front gate on which the coffin finally rested on for the final part of the ceremony. The women on both sides passed the coffin on to other women lining both sides the route to the table. The receiving and passing of the coffin carried out in a very dignified formation and with precision. The women had such tenacity about them to honour their friend and colleague, dignifying to watch.
Donations from individuals and organizations were read out, more prayers said and a sermon preached by the pastor. The funeral date announced, the next day, Monday, 9th September. The women coffin bears loaded the coffin onto an open truck to make the final journey to her home, outside Lilongwe city for the final burial on Monday. (I was unable to attend. I had to staff our department)
To conclude; the generosity of people is overwhelming in such a time as this. The donation of food and money received from friends, family members and neighbours, i.e. tons of cabbages, sugar and maize flour etc. Women helping with the cooking, help feed family members’ arriving from the villages is truly wonderful to see and be part of.
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