Tuesday, 6 August 2013
A MALAWIAN ENGAGEMENT/WEDDING
I was both privileged and honoured to receive an invitation to attend a traditional Malawian engagement ceremony, the engagement ceremony of my colleague’s daughter, from the Nursing, Midwives Council.
Traditional African engagements/marriages are always very interesting, many facets each tribe having its own different tradition/cultural rites that has to fulfilled and performed before an engagement/marriage can take place. This can take any form from the prospective groom presenting at the prospective bride’s home with representatives of his family/friend(s) to seek permission to marry the prospective bride, to performing of the dowry rites.
At this particular Malawian engagement party (tribe), the tradition is exchanging live chickens as part of the engagement rites. The groom’s family presents a ‘cock’ to the bride’s family and the bride a ‘hen’ to the groom’s family, the chickens is exchanged thus cementing the two families together as one. ‘Our problem is your problem and our problem is your problem’.
After the exchanging of the chickens more dancing, showering of money to the happy couple, followed by the cutting in half and the sharing of a roast chicken, which appeared from nowhere. The chicken is shared between the two immediate families cementing two families together as one.
Monday, 5 August 2013
InterNations Lilongwe mid-winter social. Tamarind Club
Poem Sacrifice
SACRIFICE
I dedicate this poem to my daughters; Victoria and Folasade-Nelleke
Sacrifice is giving up everything that is dear and comfortable to you
To venture into the unknown
Sacrifice is not being afraid of what might happen to you or the flames that may engulf you
To forsake your children, and your loved ones for a season
Sacrifice is to take on the pain of others to be selfless and bear the pain of others in their suffering
Sacrifice is love at its best, to go without life’s luxuries
To rely on G-d’s provision, to wait on the LORD and not on human beings
Sacrifice to be uncomfortable for a season
To rejoice when all is said and done
Sacrifice to live in humility, to be at peace with yourself, those around you and with the world
Sacrifice to truly, love all things in creation
Sacrifice to love the things you hate and those who hate you the most
Sacrifice to give up your wealth and to be counted poor for a season
Sacrifice to appreciate the things that life throws at you
To appreciate life and the very existence of life
Sacrifice is to gain wisdom and understanding
To be humble
Sacrifice is to face adversity, emerge stronger and with confidence
Sacrifice is the act of surrender
To surrender all that you are and have, a painful act of sacrifice
Sacrifice is to feel the fear and do it anyway!
Sacrifice is the act of human kindness.
Catherine Sekwalor, 13th July 2013 - Lilongwe, Malawi
Friday, 2 August 2013
Sacrificing daughters to save marriage
Sacrificing daughters to save marriage
Chikumbutso Chimpeni (not her real name), a fourteen-year-old girl a former form one, student now pregnant and HIV positive. She got pregnant and HIV positive both from the same man. The man in question is her neighbour, married with a family, but now in prison. Chikumbutso , has been taken out of school and her life has been ruined as she will no longer be able to complete her education. Furthermore, her parents have sent her away to her home village to stay with relatives.
What makes this case fascinating is the fact that Chikumbutso’s parents together with the family of the alleged man protested against his imprisonment by going to the police station, demanding his release! Shocking, shocking, shocking, I say!!! Not only did he rape her but also infected her with the HIV virus. The concern of Chikumbutso’s family is to protect the perpetrator and not her and are clearly upset by his imprisonment. Sorry, to say reading the article in the Daily Times both shocked and angered me to think no regard for a young innocent girl whose virtue is been taken away from her. He has not only left her pregnant but also has infected her with HIV denying her of a better future all for the sake of one man’s uncontrollable desire to cheat and rob an innocent child of her future. What a disgrace to see how innocent children, females are been treated.
The man in question, is a married, has a wife and children and no doubt she’s presumably also HIV positive. The report further states that when defilement happens the families involved agree to settle out of court or keep it hidden to maintain a good relationship with their neighbor.
According to the report the district of Thyolo, girls are at high risk of HIV infection and defilement (rape). The reporter also stated, “four months from January, 19 girls have been defiled (raped), 17 of the girls are HIV positive all under the age of 18. Communities have 18 per cent HIV prevalence over the national 10.6 percent, and many cases go unreported. How many unreported cases are not clear, however, what we do know is that many young innocent Malawian girls are defiled (raped), in some cases also infected and covered up all for the sake of ‘maintaining a good relationship’ with the neighbor, the perpetrator and his family.
On the other hand, is the positive side a number of Non-Government Organisations (NGOs), working with local communities to safeguard lives of young innocent girls from both defilement (rape) and from HIV infection. However, more work needs to be done to help these vulnerable young girls.
Taken from Malawi newspaper: The Daily Times, Thursday, June 27, 2013
Day 3 At Lighthouse HIV/AIDS Counseling & Testing
LIGHTHOUSE
HIV/AIDS VOLUNTARY COUNSELING AND TESTING
Continuation of my Induction at Lighthouse
Day 3
After my day in the community it was back to Lighthouse HQ meeting new faces observing more sessions.
Counseling an important part of Lighthouse delivery of care, the counseling process is in three stages;
Introduction, Pre testing counseling and post testing counseling;
I sat in counseling and testing session of a couple. With everything, I had witnessed and been exposed to so far did not prepared me for what was about to happen to me during the counseling session. I came out feeling wow! Whatever next!! I owe a lot to this couple they touched my heart, soul; mind, and attitude towards HIV/AIDS. I have learnt a lot about HIV/AIDs here in Malawi than in the UK. Here in Malawi you see real life struggles, pain and real commitment.
The couple in question, in their thirties in a new relationship of just two months only, the woman pushed for the HIV test, which the partner agreed to. During the counseling session, he admitted to the fact that he had already come for testing, the week before and awaiting the result of his test (an intensive test that takes a week or so to come through).
Stage 1: Introduction – takes the format of why you are here, and what you expect to get out of the session etc.
Stage2: Pre-testing counseling – takes the form of in depth discussion on sexual habits, i.e. risks use of condoms etc., discussions and outcome of the results.
Stage 3: Post-testing counseling - results revealed; if negative the way forward, an opportunity to change risky behavior, however, if the result is positive, discussion on feelings, the way forward and treatment.
The session was in Chichewa, which places me and other foreign nationals at a disadvantage of only getting the translated version.
After a long discussion at stage 2: the counselor asked both couples if they use a condom, to which the answer was ‘yes’. Next stage how to put on a condom correctly. The woman declined saying she did not know how to put a condom on a man. Boyfriend, (expert) said yes, suddenly a wooden penis appeared from nowhere. He was asked to demonstrate putting a condom on the wooden penis, removing it correctly, and discarding the condom. He got full marks. I learnt something I did not know, i.e., the woman should be the one to remove the condom after intercourse thus minimizing any sexually transmitted infection (STI).After the condom demonstration, we moved on to testing. Two tests carried out, a long agonizing waits followed by more discussions.
Stage 3: The agony of waiting is over! Joy and sadness all came at once for this couple. He tested negative and she tested positive to HIV! Life can be so cruel, the very person who pushed for the test was the very one to be tested positive. What happened next changed me and left me dumbstruck!
The counselor asked the question “what are going to do now that you know each other’s results”? Boyfriend answered without hesitation, “I love her and I am going to stay and support her through her treatment, in good times and bad times.
After the session, the counselor and I concluded that the relationship perhaps might not last for simple reason it is a new 1 and just two months old. He may stay with her for a while then later leave her. During the session, he had already indicated his wish to marry and have children and this might not happen with her. I would like to think that he would stay with her and even consider marrying her. However, for now he is committed to staying and supporting her. Two days later, I saw him at Lighthouse supporting her through her induction to treatment, which was nice.
Impact on my prejudices
How this experience changed me personally and any prejudices I held within me. On a professional level, I do not have a problem in treating HIV patients. However, on a personal level I would never ever consider dating or marrying a man who is HIV positive. In fact, the thought had never entered my mind until I sat and witnessed this session. The session brought to surface my own prejudices I felt so ashamed of the prejudice I held within. That evening I went for a run to reflect and clear my head! On a personal level, I can honestly now say dating or marrying a man who is HIV, would not be a problem. It is merely a prejudice of the mind. Possibly this is why I am here to rid myself of my inner prejudices and vulnerabilities. Being here has taught me a valuable lesson, women, though infected by their husbands or partners are still together having children though the children are exposed they have been tested negative and health.
The benefit of being in Malawi
Coming to Malawi was not the choice I would have made given the chance, but this is where I have found myself, I have come to terms with being here and can now say I am so glad to be here.
Does semen contain vitamin K?
Does semen contain Vitamin K?
Last week, I hosted a fellow VSO volunteer, for two nights, my first stay over visitor since moving into new house. As we ate and conversed about life in Malawi in general and the challenges faced as volunteers in particular, she shared the following strange stories with me.
The story goes something like this; a woman goes to see a clinician (doctor). The clinician informs her that the reason why she’s unwell is because she is lacking in vitamin K, and the best way to get vitamin K is to go and have sex! The explanation given by the clinician is that semen contains vitamin K. On hearing, the story I must confess I was both confused and baffled to the point I asked my guest if it was indeed a joke! To which she replied ‘No’! The story led on to another story of young girls on starting their periods are tried by men in their community/village to ensure fertility etc.. A jaw dropping moment, and very frightening stuff!! .
This story took me back in 1999, when a colleague told me of a similar story, Malawian women (elders), teaching girls on reaching puberty as part of their initiation on how to perform in bed, satisfy and keep their husbands. Even then, I thought it was a joke and found it hard to believe, that there was such a practice going on. Out of sheer curiosity, I decided to do a bit research on the subject, semen and vitamin K and to my surprise I came across a blog written by a volunteer in 2012, relating to the subject matter, properly another VSO volunteer.
Young girls on starting their menstruations are encouraged by the elder women of their village to have sex “to be tried” and to get vitamin K. My colleague also informed me that there are men in these communities/villages whose job it is to go around trying these girls, girls as young as 11 years old. A must read blog – Google Menstruation, Nutritious Semen and Vitamin K
To end this blog I want to share two further stories of concerns on sexual intimidation and abuse;
A Malawian nurse from one of the regional hospitals visiting the NMCM to submit her Continuing Professional Development, (CPD) logbook told me her story of sexual harassment in the community, men sexually harassing young girls as young as 11years old. These men are very open and not hiding their intentions, are inappropriately touching school-aged girls and coercing them into having sex as they make their way to and from school. On hearing this disclosure, I decided to do a bit more digging and learnt that this is a tribal thing, practiced by some Malawian tribes. The men in these communities are fully aware of the initiation of girls on starting their menses and want to ‘try them’.
My final story a sad and very traumatic story of a boy aged round 8 years old, gang raped by a group of men! As volunteers, we see and we hear stories, upsetting stories that leave a feeling of numbness and sadness.
What Malawi needs is a good robust system educating communities where such practices are apparent to eradicate this degrading practices aimed at young girls. In the same way, education has brought knowledge to parts of Africa, where FGM is practiced to eradicate the inhuman practice of ‘female genital mutilation (FGM).
Moved house
Moved House
Weeks of living out of a suitcase, I finally moved to my house in area three. I moved from area fifteen to area three. A quite serene neighbourhood, a radio station, and Lilongwe Golf Club are my neighbours. A walking distance into town, a thirty minutes walk to the town centre and church
My house is the Malawian crème de la crème, a spacious two-bedroom house, with hosts of features a chest freezer, a fridge-freezer, toaster, electric kettle, satellite TV, microwave and a proper cooker and oven instead of the standard two-ring hot plates provided to volunteers.
The compound has eleven apartments, six two-bedrooms and five one-bedroom apartments. The grounds lined with palm trees and the garden well maintained. My neigbours are internationals, working with international non-government organizations (INGOs) from Africa, Europe, South America and Asia.
It is a safe compound, a day guard, and night guard. The gardener/car washer also acts as the day guard until the night guard takes over from him. Apart from the night guard, electric fencing surrounds the entire compound to keep us extra safe. We have house girls and a houseboy to clean our apartments and wash our clothes. I have a houseman, a quiet gentle soul in his forties; however, the hardship of life has aged him considerably. Once a week he washes and irons my clothes and cleans my apartment three times in the week. For his service, I pay him 3,000.00 Malawian Kwacha a month, whenever I can I give him and the night guard extra food provisions.
At the back of my apartment I have a small garden; and with the help of my ex housemate’s houseboy and gardener, (new house) have planted essential vegetables such as lattice, onions, tomatoes, coriander. Next to be planted; carrots, spinach, butternut squash, pumpkin (Pumpkin for the staff they eat both leaves and the pumpkin), courgettes and potatoes.
Other features includes two mango trees small in comparison to previous temporary house of 12 mango trees, avocado tree, pawpaw, guava tree and a tangerine tree.
I love my house it offers the peace and tranquility I love, though I at times I feel lonely, it is my safe haven. Some evenings when I am not too tired I go for a run around the neighbourhood, this allows me to reflect on the day’s activities and keeps me fit.
My weekends, I have been busy so far, shopping and mixing with the local people. Saturday, is the day I spend in the market, purchasing local fabrics for dresses, hand woven baskets, fruit and vegetables. I have made a number of friends in the market, market traders I barter with them and get a good discount on my purchase. In Africa, it is the expected practice and the norm to barter.
I have started baking my own bread and plan to make mango jam when mango is in season, which is not far off, August/September. Apart from mango jams, I plan to dry, freeze them so I can enjoy mangos all year round when out of season, I just love mangos, sugar cane is currently in season and once a week I indulge myself.
Saturday afternoons/ evenings, if I am not too tired from roaming the market and baking I work on my patchwork quilt (hand stitching), embroider, may read a book, or simply listen to my numerous collection of music on my ipad or watch satellite TV. I have decided not to renew subscription for satellite TV for August, save my money and spend it on other things. Sunday, worship day go to church, after church lunch with other VSO volunteers, a time to catch up share lunch together and relax.
See photos
Thursday, 1 August 2013
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